Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
