those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
