Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
