my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
