worst night to have a conscience
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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