I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
