How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
