I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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