my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
