you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
