I need to stop coming to work sober
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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