I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
