You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
