I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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