no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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