walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
