I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Randomize
