my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
