on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
