Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
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I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
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you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I need to align my fucking chakras
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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