I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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