Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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