My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
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I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
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It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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