a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
