Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
