If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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