I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
