Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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