There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
