well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.