Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
