Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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