Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
