I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
