Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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