I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
