things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
