You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
