This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
