I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Randomize
