He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
