She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
