hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
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