I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
she told me i tasted like america
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
It's never too late to be topless.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
