i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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