i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
