we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
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