Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
