i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
