Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
