OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
