is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
