took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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