shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
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