with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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