did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
