We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
