If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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