420 ftw
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
