I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
