I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
