i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
