im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
