No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
