I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
