If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
you will always have a special place in my vag
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
