My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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