I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
