There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize