when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
