So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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