the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
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